Learner's permit

Today I am taking my son Dylan to get his learner's permit. It reminds me of the day I took Jaci. I remember standing in line with her and then letting her drive home. Maybe I should have been a better teacher and she'd still be here now? I don't know, bringing back so many memories.

Second Christmas without her.....

Well, this is the second Christmas without Jaci. I think I did pretty good until today. I was in the kitchen getting the food ready and it just hit my, that a member of my family won't be here with us and I broke down. We were taking pics in front of the tree and I remember when she would be in the pics too. she always hated it of course. I wonder what I would have gotten her this year?? Clothes as always I'm sure. She never would let me pick anything out so I had to take her shopping and let her pick them out and then I'd have her wrap them and put them under the tree!! I miss our shopping trips....I miss everything about her, even the tantrums. I bet she's having a beautiful Christmas with Jesus. She has everything now she ever wanted. I can't wait to be with her again. I love you Jaci Lee

Lonely night

Well, it's going to be another long night. Took my sleeping medicine and it's just not helping. Was going through some of Jaci's things for the quilt and found a brochure she had made and it talked about her favorite things, etc, I didn't know some of it and it made me sad, I have it on my night stand and I saw it tonight and it got me started thinking about her and now I can't stop. I miss her so much, my heart still aches every day and it's been almost two whole years. Will it ever ease.....will my life ever be better, sometimes I wonder. I just can't stand to think about the things she will never get to do, all her friends are getting ready to graduate and start a whole new stage in their lives. Some have even had babies. I know she would have been a wonderful mother and I hate that she never got to experience that. I so much loved being pregnant. I will never get the chance to help her plan her wedding, pick out her dress and flowers and see her walk down the aisle to the man she loves and wants to spend her life with. But I guess knowing the man she's spending her life with now is Jesus Christ and that is a comfort to know. Please send prayers my way during this holiday season.

Quilt

About a year ago I came up with an idea to have a quilt made of some of Jaci's clothes. I found a lady here in town who actually had lost her son in an accident and she volunteered to make it. Now, almost a year later, I got up the courage to go thru her things, give the lady a call and today she came over and we went thru different patterns and made decisions on design etc. It was hard to watch Jaci's things leave the house, but I can't wait to see the quilt, to wrap up in special memories will all be worth it. I went in her room last night and just sat on her bed and smelt her. I love that her room still smells like her and it's been almost two whole years!! I so dread the day when that smell fades and I lose another piece of her. But for now, I love to open her door and have that smell come over me. Hope everyone has a blessed Christmas.

Lighting of the Angels

Our small town has a ceremony each year where they "light up" an angel in memory of a loved one. Last night we went to the lighting (Jaci actually has 3 Angels-one from us, one from her school and one from her Granny). Here are some pics. You might not can tell, but in one, the wings on 2 angels touch and there is a gold ribbon tying them together, the other angel was a very good friend of Jaci's who died in a car wreck 9 months after Jaci. They are now together forever.

Cruise

Well, we made it back from our cruise, everything was so beautiful. Got sea sick the first night, really bad.....been home 24 hours and still feel like I'm walking crooked! Guiltily, I have to say I actually went 3-4 days in a row without being sad. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I think Jaci would be ok with it that I had a good time and didn't cry once while I was gone. Now I need some time to rest before work Monday.

Best Friends

Here are Jaci and her "Best Buds" Ash, Sam and Court (Court is in heaven with Jaci).