It's crazy how time flies, I can't believe I haven't posted since January. I may not post often, but trust me there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about Jaci.  There is a constant reminder at every turn of every day. I still "smell" her baby powder scent at times and it just reminds me that she will always be with me even if it's not in body but spirit. I love how sometimes just the smallest things can bring back an amazing memory of my sweet girl. My father in law passed away recently, and it made me realize just how precious life can be and how fast someone you love can be taken from you.  So, remember, kiss your loved ones often, tell them you love them daily and never take a moment for granted.  You never know when the last time you see/talk to someone, will actually be the "last" time you see/talk to them! I would have kissed and hugged my baby girl the last time she walked out the front door if I had know it truly was the last time. I love and miss you Jaci Lee.

Crazy week

It has been a crazy week. Last Sunday I found out a friend of mine from high school had passed away in her sleep. Then the following Saturday a famous DJ passed away. Both were very sudden and unexpected. While I hadn't talked to my friend in a while and I didn't personally know the DJ-I listened to him every morning for over 10 years. It made me realize (not that I could ever forget) that life is so precious and we never know when it will be taken from us. Remember to kiss your loved ones every chance you get. Take as many pictures as possible of your kids and cherish every single minute you get with family and loved ones. Live life to the fullest and as Kidd Kraddick always said "Keep looking up, cause that's where it's all at."

I cannot believe it has been 5 years since the last time I saw you. It feels like an eternity-a hundred years since the last time I saw your face or hugged you. It's still so unreal that you are gone. You would be such a beautiful grown up 21 year old young lady. The whole in my heart is just waiting for the day when we will see each other again. I can't wait. I miss you so much it hurts. Love you to the moon and around the world.

The things left behind....

We'll talk. We'll talk about the regrets and what-ifs and the senses of foreboding. We'll talk about an ache so deep that it can't be named. We'll talk about the excruciating pain of looking at young girls and the feeling that I want to hug those kids so tightly, or scream at them because they are alive and my kid is not. Or both. We'll talk about her bed left unmade that day (which was ok because I went and crawled under the covers as soon as I got home that day; the regret that I had done all her laundry that morning and couldn't find anything of hers to smell but her sheets, the make up left out on her vanity (the one I had searched for months to find, had put together myself and set up in her room and surprised her when she came home from school). We'll talk about friends and family holding us up when we couldn't standWe'll talk about her favorite songs-that still break my heart to hear on the radio 4 years later. We will fill our hearts with memories, good and bad; We'll long for the day when we get to wrap our arms around her again and kiss the heart ache good-bye.

Missing you.....

Less than 2 weeks from your 21st Birthday.  I miss you so much. This month has already been so hard. Ashlyn and Courtney are having a hard time too.  Tori got a tattoo yesterday-the JP butterfly. There are so many people who have gotten tattoos in your memory. You made such a lasting impression on so many people's lives, it's truly amazing. I'm so proud to be your mom. I wish I could give you a great big birthday hug, my heart aches so much for you. I can't wait to see you again. I LOVE YOU

Almost time for your Birthday again

I can't believe in a month from tomorrow you would be 21 years old.  You would be a grown up young lady.  I try to picture what you would be doing with your life.  If you'd be in college or working? Single or married? Baby??  It's so hard to believe you are gone. Sometimes I just can't believe it is reality.   I miss you so much, and Birthdays, holidays, etc are always so hard. Especially this one, you'd be "legal". I miss you with all my heart and I love you "to the moon and back". Watch over us all sweet baby girl. Mom loves you.

Been missing you sooo much lately.  Another one of the girls in your class had a baby.  Can't believe all these kids are so grown.  Can't believe you'd be almost 21! Wish you were here so I could see what you would be doing with your life. I love you baby and miss you with all my heart.