Missing you

With this being the anniversary of Courtney, Shanne and Mike's death, it brings back so many memories. I miss you so much it's almost unbearable some days. I would just give anything to hold you one more time, to snuggle on your bed, to take you shopping, to hug your neck or kiss your check or most of all hear you say I love you. I cherish the memories, but NOTHING is like the real thing. I miss you so much and love you with all my heart. Until we meet again.....

Another Birthday comes around...

Well, here it is, September again already. 2 weeks from tomorrow would be Jaci's 20th birthday. I cannot believe she would be all grown up and on her own. As the 23rd gets closer and closer, the hole in my heart aches more and more. Below is something I posted on Facebook a while back.

Just realized that I'm always wanting time to hurry up, wishing it was 5 o'clock, or Friday, then I realized as time goes by, the days, weeks, years, it takes away the ability to remember her as well as I once could. The sound of her voice, the way she walked, the way she smelt, are harder to recall now They say time heals, I disagree, you learn to live without them, but never heal. Time is a cruel thing. It robs your heart of the ability to remember as clearly with each passing minute. Live every minute to the fullest-never wish it away...cherish every minute with your loved ones, for you never know which one will be your last....I love you JACI LEE PAYTON

One of those days...

Wow, I can't believe so much time has passed since I last posted. Today has just been one of those days so I thought I'd get on and write a little and see if that helps. I was looking at pictures of Jaci today-she was such a beautiful young lady. I try to imagine how much her looks would have changed over the past 3 1/2 years. I wonder if she would be in college or would she have chosen a different path. One of her best friends is graduating this week and it brings back so many memories. I still have a hard time believing my daughter is gone. We recently moved about 15 miles away and I thought it would be so hard to pack her room and leave, and don't get me wrong, it was very hard, but somehow I have come to a peaceful place with it. Eventhough I left her room behind, I have all her things in pretty pink tubs and I think it's kinda made it easier for all of us to not walk past her room every day. I don't mean that in a bad way, we miss it, but I think it was time for us all to take that step and sort of move on. One day while moving, I was in the car with a load of things (none of them hers) and I SMELT HER!! I think that was her way of telling me it's ok if you go. It's so nice when I get those occasional wifts of her beautiful smell. So many of her things still smell like her and I love to hold them and remember when I had her here to hold. I miss her so much.