Holidays suck

Well, this is the 8th Christmas and it's still as hard as ever. Some times I feel stupid because I feel like after all this time I should be able to handle it better. I try to imagine you coming over for Christmas, playing with Katie and Serinadee, I wonder if you would have a child of your own. Would you be married? Single? Greg and Jenna are having a baby this spring and it hurts to even think about it, I always wonder if you two would have made it. January 17th is slowly approaching and I sure dread that day. I've been having visions of the accident. What you might have experienced that day. I can't imagine the way my poor baby ended up. Laying on that cold ground waiting on someone to come get you. I'm so glad it was Cindy. She told me how she held you and rubbed your tummy. I look back now and wish I could have seen you that night. Felt you while you were still warm. I miss you so much, I never knew the pain could be so harsh and last so long. Losing my parents was painful, but nothing like losing your child. The whole in my heart is so big and empty. I can't wait until we meet again and I can smell your beautiful perfume and see those big blue eyes. Until them my sweet girl, please watch over all of us. Mom loves you to the moon and back.